I am the “I” in IEP.

I am the I in IEP.
I am the mom who knows the most about my son.
Who wants more than anyone else at that meeting table to see you succeed, to see you grow, to see you be and feel accepted, to see you have all the support you need without accidentally giving you too much that that in itself disables you.
I am the one who has sat through countless therapy visits, hour after hour.
I am the one who has learned strategy after strategy to get you to the state of progress you have made.
I am the one who has stood in the face of adversity, from the moment you were born, on your behalf.
I am the mom who has kept records, scheduled and attended the meetings, taken notes, researched for days, upon years.
I am the I in IEP, who knows a great deal about what is at stake.
But we sit at the table and you say to me,
I am the I in IEP.
I am the school.
My hands are tied.
I do care about your child.
The funding isn’t great for our special needs kids who don’t quite need extreme amounts of help.
I will tweak the services he would benefit from to just a little less than what would satisfactorily do.
I will present the accommodations, but there likely won’t be enough staff to assist with them.
I will sometimes care enough to try harder, but ultimately, I am a limiting in the IEP.
I am the I in the IEP
I am the advocate who will stand beside you.
I will fight for you.
I will negotiate for you.
I won’t let you do this alone.
I will call out the specifics that are being missed.
Just one catch. I don’t come for free.
Mom, you’ve got to pay me.
So who is the I that matters most?
I am the I in IEP.
I am the child.
I want to feel safe.
I want to feel loved.
I need your support.
I need acceptance.
I need you to see me.
I need you to see me with your heart as well as with your mind.
I need you to see me as a student but also as a person.
I need you to be sensitive to the communication styles and methods that teach me best.
I need you to see when I am overwhelmed.
I need you to encourage me.
I need you to show me that my areas of need can be stepping stones for success and growth for both me and you.
So you see, with all these “I”s in the IEP, no one is really getting too far.
Why does it feel like I am against you, and you are against me?
What if the school and the parent can turn the I into WE?
We are the partners who will not stop until we have a good plan.
We will be adaptable, consistent and loyal.
Then, we can be the team that will figure this out.
And ultimately, only then, the real I in the IEP, my child, wins.

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Why Saying “no” is so Necessary, as a mom of a Child with Autism.

You cannot people please with a child with autism. Trust me I have tried. I have spent way too much time trying. Way too much time disappointing myself. As a special needs mom, however hard it may be, you must learn the skill of saying “no.” It won’t be easy, but it is necessary to learn this lesson.

You are Your Child’s Advocate and Voice.

 

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For example:

No– that doesn’t work for us.

No– that doesn’t help my son best.

No– that is not the way he will do it.

No– we cannot come to that.

No– that school model isn’t right for my child.

No– that kid cannot treat my kid that way.

No– that adult cannot treat my kid that way.

No– we won’t stay the full time of the event.

No– he won’t say hello.

No– he won’t look you in the eyes.

No– he won’t sit down in a chair for that long.

No– he cannot stay still for that long.

No– he does not learn that way.

 

What saying “no” does NOT mean:

We don’t love you.

We don’t like you.

We don’t want to be around you.

We are judging you.

We think we are better than you.

 

 

What saying “no” DOES mean:

I recognize my child’s unique ability.

I recognize my child’s unique struggle.

I recognize the environment is overly and intensely stressful and possibly traumatic and harmful for my child, and I am going to do something about it.

My child is a priority to me.

Who my child is matters to me.

 

The bottom line is this:

I love him when its hard.

I love him when its easy.

I love him unconditionally.

God has called me to do that.

And, I am better because of loving him.

 

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Easy was Never in the Plans for Us.

Easy was never in the plans for us.

Whether or not I wanted it.

 

I don’t think you ever think life is “easy.”

until you know what not easy is.

 

Relative.

 

The way things seem easy or not,

is always relative to how they were at best,

or when they were better.

 

The better times weren’t easy times either.

But they can seem “easy” relatively.

 

Easy was never in the plans for us.

 

But…

 

Persistence, that was.

Patience, that was.

Learning to climb mountains, that was.

Falling, and getting up again, that was.

Coming face to face with anger, pain, and bitterness, that was.

Grief, that sure was.

 

But thank God.

 

Because, the most important part of our story is this.

That redemption is, always was, and always will be, the best part of our story.

Not because of anything we can do, but because of Him.

Advocacy (the beginning).

Advocacy

Parents, hear me.

Advocate for your child.

Attend the IEP meetings.

Communicate with your child’s teachers and administration.

Do not assume they are doing what is best for your child.

Find out.

Speak up, when you feel something is wrong.

Your words are important.

Your feelings are valid.

Your concerns are real.

Hopefully, your child can do this for them self, one day.

But until then, and even then, advocate for your child.

It won’t be easy.

It won’t always get immediate results.

Do it anyway.

Be heard.

Don’t be someone who settles for less than what can be.

Advocate for your child.

In all circumstances.

Don’t let your voice be silenced.

It will echo through the classrooms years from now.

Advocate for your child.

 

Definition:

ad·vo·cate

noun

/ˈadvəkət/

a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.

synonyms: champion, upholder, supporter, backer, promoter, protector, patron.

 

*I am still sorting out my emotions over several events over the last few days.

More to come soon…