The Other Moms

The mothers over there. They stand together, smiling, laughing, exchanging stories. They look up occasionally to scan for their child, and resume talking without much of a second thought about their child playing. They talk about regular things. Kindergarten next year. The play date they might have this weekend.

We stand over here. We stand close to our children. We know they might hurt themselves or someone else, or break a serious rule, or run away, or into the street or parking lot. We know that at a moment’s notice we have to be ready for a meltdown, that you will think you relate to, but you can’t.

The mothers over there. They share their regular lives. They don’t think twice about it. They see us over here, and probably don’t think twice about that either. But I think twice. I think to myself, what will this be like in a few years. When our kids are older, will you still say hi to us? Will your children still want to know and be friends with Lucas? Will they accept him with his differences in interests and personality? Will they listen to his latest obsessive interest? Will they entertain his odd requests for how to play? Will you say hi to me? Will it be out of obligation? Will it be genuine? Will I be able to look away from him long enough to answer and converse? Or will I just wave, smile, and nod, and look back at him?

We stand over here, as the differences between special needs and typical begin to get larger. We stay close as you are able to slowly separate from your children. We know what can happen if we don’t. Siblings begin to trickle out to the yard. Over there, you greet them, and converse. We still can’t take our eyes off our kiddos with extra needs. Our children’s siblings have gotten used to not being able to talk until we are in a safer place.

This is a walk the whole family does together. Together we are strong, but together we are also quite separate. We stand over here, because the differences are going to show their face in one way or another, despite our efforts to unite. My child has many extra needs. My child needs significantly extra supervision. Your child will outgrow this stage. And that will forever separate us. All I wish is that as the differences become more apparent, your efforts to be a part of our life, and to include us, grow at the same rate.

 

 

Published by

ngarcia0715

I am just a mom on a journey. Trying my best to do it right. Making lots of mistakes along the way. Enjoying having a community that gets it, to share it all with.

6 thoughts on “The Other Moms”

  1. This is so beautifully written. I know all too well how you feel.
    My boys are older now. I have perspective. It gets easier I promise . You will find your tribe of moms who have special kids too and they will become your rocks; your confidants; your voice when you can’t speak; another mommy for your child..,, the other moms will fade out over time and it won’t matter that you stand apart from them . They have their own tribes and that’s just how it goes. Some of them will grow to admire you and want to know your world . Others just don’t get it not because they don’t Care- they just don’t know how to care.
    In the end , it works out and you are content in your child’s world . If you are accepting and thoroughly grief what you have lost, you will come to a place of gratitude for what you’ve been given and how it’s changed you for the better.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m right there with you. I just left our church’s homeschool PE class after only 10 minutes (it’s an hour long class). I see the other parents gather in the room to socialize while their children freely play. There I am. Standing over here with my child. I didn’t offer an explanation as we left. There was nothing I could do about it. At least we tried, I speak those thoughts to myself as we pulled out of the parking lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your heart. As I wrote this I felt petty and dumb… but it’s a real thing we face. We are only human. Not perfect. And we are doing the best we can. 🙏🏼❤️ small steps. Progress comes for our children and us along this journey.

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  3. I have to say. I have kids. All older, teens now, but, we have looked your way. ❤ there are people who love you, and your son. One of my boys is extra special who loves those who are not the “same.” I believe that God has a special friend and a special plan for Lucas. Time. Its not always easy to wait, but Gods time. I know He has that person in mind. ❤but for now, you are that person. Keep following your heart. God sees you. He knows ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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