Anxiety makes me feel like I’m a bad mom

First let me say. Anxiety is telling me don’t hit publish on this piece.

Don’t let others know you feel this way.

But I know that if I feel this way, then others have and do as well.

So I will swallow my pride.

I will take off the facade that says I’ve got it all together.

And I will write.

The truth.

When anxiety comes knocking.

By the end of the day I am totally spent.

Sometimes I am spent by the afternoon, or before I have even woken up in the morning.

Anxiety starts spiking, and it tells me.

You aren’t equipped for this. You aren’t enough. Special needs parenting demands too much of me.

Sometimes I want to leave and never come back.

Sometimes their behavior pushes me to angry places that make me mad at myself for getting to that point.

Why can’t I have more patience?

Why can’t I have healthier coping strategies?

Why can’t I love my kids better?

Why can’t I let things go?

Why can’t I stop trying to control everything?

These questions become “shoulds.’

You SHOULD have more patience.

You SHOULD be able to cope.

You SHOULD love your kids better.

You SHOULD let things go and not take everything to heart.

You SHOULD control things better so that you don’t feel like you’ve lost control.

You SHOULD have your act together by now.

You SHOULD not let things bother you the way they do.

You SHOULD be grateful.

You SHOULD be enjoying this.

Anxiety is an ugly thing.

It won’t have the ultimate victory.

But it doesn’t leave without an exhausting fight.

#anxiety

#mentalhealthmatters

#behonest

#don’thideit

If you are suffering with anxiety or depression, seek help. Find a doctor or therapist or friend you trust.

💜🙏🏼

Published by

ngarcia0715

I am just a mom on a journey. Trying my best to do it right. Making lots of mistakes along the way. Enjoying having a community that gets it, to share it all with.

4 thoughts on “Anxiety makes me feel like I’m a bad mom”

  1. hang in there, I can identify! with two out of 3 sons on the spectrum, my anxiety got very bad ….I found over time it got worse and my depression (anxiety’s cousin) came out big time….i finally saw a doctor who put me on meds. but i still have rough patches, so I changed my coping strategies by doing yoga. I had to change a lot of other things too… check out my blog to see….
    through your writing, I see you have great strength and courage. you got this, warrior mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for the encouragement. I am currently between antidepressant meds. Waiting for an appt to see a new doctor to discuss options, since the last few had side effects worse than the help… yoga sounds great, if I can get some time separate from my boys.

    Like

  3. oh man today was one of those days. I finally got to the point of screaming “IM DONE WITH AUTISM! IM DONE WITH AUTISM TODAY!” and of course then i felt terrible for saying as such and my son stood there staring at me. It was one moment of lost composure that overshadowed an 8 hour day of perfect aba and therapists in and out. I think it all comes to a head sometimes when you know other typical moms get a 5 day break and you get 1 if you are lucky. Its just one of those things. I think we need to be more forgiving of ourselves. The special needs life isnt easy. its not normal. I think its okay to break sometimes. It reminds us that we are human. not saying that its okay but its definately understandable. We all have our breaking points. the point is to bring ourselves back after the breakdown.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol. I am sorry to hear about the choice of words you burst out with. I certainly understand getting to that point. I have said many a similar comment , then regretted it. So hard. Too hard. But we are allowed to break. If we pretended we weren’t breaking we’d be like sociopaths? Lol perhaps? Hoping tomorrow is a better day mama. You are doing your best day in and day out and when you break it’s ok because you still try again anyway! Eventually 💙💙🙏🏼🙏🏼

      Liked by 1 person

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